NO SOUP FOR ME!
No photos today. No pictures today for me to show. I found out three days ago that I won't be attending this year's Eddie Adams Workshop (eddieadamsworkshop.com). For those of you who know what that is, you know how much it sucks. Not getting in, that is. For those that don't: it's one of the preeminent photojournalism workshops for aspiring photojournalists, and it's tuition free. You have 3 shots at it. They take 100 people. If you don't get in in those 3 years, that's it. If you're accepted, then it's 4 days of an intense experience that is designed to get you connected to 99 others just like yourself, in addition to tons of industry professionals.
That's what I've heard, because, of course, I've never been and won't be going this year for the 2nd year in a row. If I sound a little bitter, it's because I am. What drives me insane about this process is that, unlike most other application processes, you can actually log onto the EAW site and see everyone's portfolio who was deemed more worthy than your own. It becomes an obsessive exercise in torture. Why is their's better than mine? How can someone who has a seemingly mediocre portfolio of only University of Tennessee sports get the nod over mine, which include two stories along with varied singles? You see? I get mental over it.
I haven't looked at this year's crop of workshop attendees because when I did last year, I just became a mental case for two days. I looked at other people's work and not only couldn't understand why they were chosen over me, but why they'd be chosen at all. And here's the part that makes me cringe: if I'm so unable to understand the merit's of someone's apparently meritorious portfolio, what does that say about me as a photographer, or judge of worthwhile photography? So I stewed. And I went back and forth over a) what was wrong with my work, and b) what was good about theirs?
But a funny thing happens over time. My photography got better. Or maybe my judgement became better, because when several months passed and I looked back at my portfolio I submitted to EAW, I snickered a little to myself. I thought, "Of course. There are several reasons why my portfolio looks weak. [This] will make it better, or if I shoot [that] in a different way, then it'll add more impact". And I thought, "damn, EAW was right all along. I'm glad I didnt' get in, because I wasn't ready to do it right." So I went out, and slowly my portfolio began to look better, as if by magic. But really, I knew it wasn't just magic. I was maturing as a photographer. The light seemed to be turning on, as it were.
When I was in high school, I took Geometry class. For the most part, it was a fairly straightforward class, until we attempted to learn proofs. I remember being completely flummoxed by the entire process. But I remember distinctly the teacher telling us to just work at it, and at some point the "light" will turn on and we'll just "get it". How the hell would that work? I'll be damned, though, it worked exactly like that. I couldn't figure it out, and finally one night will struggling through homework, DING, the light went on. When chimps are presented problems to solve in the lab, the moment in which it becomes apparent how to solve it is "insight". The light goes on. I learned the chimp story in college Psych.
I thought, the light went on several months ago for me. I thought I was really working well at becoming a better, and more complete photojournalist. I thought my stuff was pretty good. Until three days ago. It really sucks to have someone tell you, direct or not, that you're not ready when you think, and truly believe, that you are. Worse than that, is when your evidence (the photos) is there for everyone to see. It's not about the bad interview you gave, b/c you didn't get any sleep the night before. There are no excuses and you can't bullshit your way through a 3 page essay, like you can in class. Your work is out there and anyone can see it. This is also what makes photography tremendously liberating. It doesn't matter whether you went to Harvard, Missouri, or George Mason. Can you make great pictures or not? I thought I was on that path, and I felt like I tripped on my shoelaces and fell face first into a big mud puddle.
But wait. This is America. And no person loves the story of redemption more than a self-respecting American. Which I am. Screw them and their evaluations. I relish the opportunity to prove them wrong. In which case, I'd only be proving them right, but this is no time for details! I think by shooting the best badass photographs I can is the best way to say "HEY! EAW! Yeah you! Look at my shit. It don't stink." Or something like that. And I'd be totally redeemed.
-John
PS-I just looked at the EAW list, and I'll be obsessing now for the next few days...
That's what I've heard, because, of course, I've never been and won't be going this year for the 2nd year in a row. If I sound a little bitter, it's because I am. What drives me insane about this process is that, unlike most other application processes, you can actually log onto the EAW site and see everyone's portfolio who was deemed more worthy than your own. It becomes an obsessive exercise in torture. Why is their's better than mine? How can someone who has a seemingly mediocre portfolio of only University of Tennessee sports get the nod over mine, which include two stories along with varied singles? You see? I get mental over it.
I haven't looked at this year's crop of workshop attendees because when I did last year, I just became a mental case for two days. I looked at other people's work and not only couldn't understand why they were chosen over me, but why they'd be chosen at all. And here's the part that makes me cringe: if I'm so unable to understand the merit's of someone's apparently meritorious portfolio, what does that say about me as a photographer, or judge of worthwhile photography? So I stewed. And I went back and forth over a) what was wrong with my work, and b) what was good about theirs?
But a funny thing happens over time. My photography got better. Or maybe my judgement became better, because when several months passed and I looked back at my portfolio I submitted to EAW, I snickered a little to myself. I thought, "Of course. There are several reasons why my portfolio looks weak. [This] will make it better, or if I shoot [that] in a different way, then it'll add more impact". And I thought, "damn, EAW was right all along. I'm glad I didnt' get in, because I wasn't ready to do it right." So I went out, and slowly my portfolio began to look better, as if by magic. But really, I knew it wasn't just magic. I was maturing as a photographer. The light seemed to be turning on, as it were.
When I was in high school, I took Geometry class. For the most part, it was a fairly straightforward class, until we attempted to learn proofs. I remember being completely flummoxed by the entire process. But I remember distinctly the teacher telling us to just work at it, and at some point the "light" will turn on and we'll just "get it". How the hell would that work? I'll be damned, though, it worked exactly like that. I couldn't figure it out, and finally one night will struggling through homework, DING, the light went on. When chimps are presented problems to solve in the lab, the moment in which it becomes apparent how to solve it is "insight". The light goes on. I learned the chimp story in college Psych.
I thought, the light went on several months ago for me. I thought I was really working well at becoming a better, and more complete photojournalist. I thought my stuff was pretty good. Until three days ago. It really sucks to have someone tell you, direct or not, that you're not ready when you think, and truly believe, that you are. Worse than that, is when your evidence (the photos) is there for everyone to see. It's not about the bad interview you gave, b/c you didn't get any sleep the night before. There are no excuses and you can't bullshit your way through a 3 page essay, like you can in class. Your work is out there and anyone can see it. This is also what makes photography tremendously liberating. It doesn't matter whether you went to Harvard, Missouri, or George Mason. Can you make great pictures or not? I thought I was on that path, and I felt like I tripped on my shoelaces and fell face first into a big mud puddle.
But wait. This is America. And no person loves the story of redemption more than a self-respecting American. Which I am. Screw them and their evaluations. I relish the opportunity to prove them wrong. In which case, I'd only be proving them right, but this is no time for details! I think by shooting the best badass photographs I can is the best way to say "HEY! EAW! Yeah you! Look at my shit. It don't stink." Or something like that. And I'd be totally redeemed.
-John
PS-I just looked at the EAW list, and I'll be obsessing now for the next few days...
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